he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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