im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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