bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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