apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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