I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
