I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
