That's intense
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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