I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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