there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
