Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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