I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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