I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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