I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
