i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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