Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
