She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
