I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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