I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
