Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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