What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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