We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
