I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
