bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
