just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
