she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
