Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
