my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Randomize
