i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
