Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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