I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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