he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
