when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
