We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
