Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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