I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
