Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize