i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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