bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
