he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
