Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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