took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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