we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
