Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
