i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
