i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
