She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
