If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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