Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
