If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
