Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
