I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
