Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize