the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
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he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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