A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
