Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I did not marry a roomba.
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