We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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