I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize