Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is classic penis vs brain.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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