see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He shit in the fireplace
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
