Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
