I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
