So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
