I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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