I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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