i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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