I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just high enough for therapy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
