i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
