I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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