I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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